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I have been job hunting. I hate it. Who would like it? I have to get my license, but before I do, I have to re-fax a medical release form to Nashville. Wait for my doctor down there to fill it out. Fax it back. Take it to S.O.S and then proceed to take a test. Yup. Then get car insurance. Then get plates. Just a long drawn out process.
It was beginning to take it's toll on me. I was becoming so overwhelmed. I started making small compromises. Those lead to feelings of failure. I was feeling condemnation, guilty. And so alone. Going from 40 sisters under one roof, and plenty of supportive staff 24/7 to no one around...that's a large adjustment.
But God it sooooo Good.
The one night where I was beginning to feel utter defeat, God completely showed Himself. The night prior i laid on my floor begging God to just hold me. He spoke to me so much within the next 24 hours. He knew I felt alone. And He was letting me know...I am not alone. And that was the first thing He told me that day, through Michael Jackson, of all people...his song, You're Not Alone. I don't exactly know what prompted me to listen to Michael (honestly...I am not much of a fan). But the lyrics read, "Another day is gone, and I'm still alone. Everyday I sit and ask myself 'How did love slip away?' Something whispers in my ear 'You're not alone, I am here with you. Though we're far apart, You're always in my heart. Just the other night I thought I heard you cry asking me to come and hold you in my arms. I can hear your prayers. Your burdens I will bear. But first I need your hand, then forever can begin.'"
That wasn't the end of it. No. He went on to give me a vision of myself. I was walking alone in a field, and stumbled upon a swarm of mosquito's. They bombarded me and began sucking out all of my blood. Then God said, "If you continue walking without me, the life will continue to be sucked from you."
He reminds me that this is not impossible, because with him, ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE!
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